Cancel Cancel Culture
The Paradox of Cancel Culture: It Strengthens the Beast it Seeks to Slay
SUMMARY: The paradox of cancel culture lies in its unintended consequence of reinforcing the behaviors it aims to eliminate. Cancellation, though sometimes necessary for egregious actions, frequently pushes individuals into isolation, hindering their reform. Instead, fostering environments for uncomfortable yet constructive conversations can lead to genuine change. By engaging early and approaching these discussions with truth, bravery, kindness, and curiosity, we can help individuals grow and create healthier, more accountable communities.
“To err is human, to forgive divine.”
-Alexander Pope
Mistakes are core to the human experience. They are inevitable, for imperfection and brokenness are our lot.
We train our kids that failures are the best way to learn and proclaim they should never let mess-ups define them or indeed what’s possible for their future.
We emblazon pithy proclamations across our corporate hallways about failing quickly, forward, and often so we can learn as rapidly as possible.
As a culture, we seem to believe failure catalyzes wisdom. We see it as the valuable refining fire we all need to live and learn.
And yet.
When those in the public eye or positions of power falter in categories we’ve asserted ‘unforgivable,’ we proclaim them ‘done.’
We demand firings and even force people to live out their days in obscurity for their presence among the rest of us won’t be tolerated. We feel righteous and even virtuous in taking those who have stumbled all the way down.
No doubt there are certain opinions and behaviors for which cancellation would be a wise choice. When scales tip beyond error to something more sinister, those at fault should be given little air and limited grace. Shutting down a voice that has proven over time to not deserve the floor is the right response.
And yet, again.
When cancellation becomes a normative or default posture we should consider how this knee-jerk response undermines the very reason for its application. We may very well be creating deeper, more invidious problems.
Cancel culture, despite its intent to stamp out harmful behavior and promote social accountability, paradoxically often strengthens the very behavior it seeks to eliminate.
Cancellation pushes people into the shadows, and when that happens, while regret may be prevalent, reform and redemption are not, for those are found in community. Often the behaviors and beliefs that got a person expelled become more deviant due to resentment and lack of constructive discourse.
The Value of Relationships and Constructive Conversations
If cancellation were to become rarely employed and when so was always a carefully and thoughtfully measured response, not a reflex, we would be wholly better off as a culture. We might find that unhealthy views, noxious philosophies, and dangerous perspectives decrease in the resultant opportunity to discuss and learn.
There are three helpful guideposts to make this possible:
1. Be willing to step into uncomfortable conversations.
2. Create safe environments for dangerous conversations by learning how to discuss truth with grace.
3. Engage in those conversations early.
Stepping into Uncomfortable Conversations
We are far too hesitant to come alongside people whose behavior is concerning and put a mirror up to their words and actions.
We assume the person will feel accused, be defensive, perhaps cut off our relationship, or even seek retaliation (after all, we are far from perfect ourselves). We rationalize that other people’s character isn’t any of our business. We put blinders on, focus on ourselves, and distance ourselves from the person we believe is in the wrong.
But what if instead, we saw people’s mis-steps as a reason to engage and draw close? What if we became willing to take on interpersonal risk in orderto benefit someone else?
Creating Safe Environments for Dangerous Conversations
Once you’re willing to engage in hard conversations, it matters a great deal how you go about it, lest you become the person who causes people to duck into corridors because they see the “fault finder” approaching.
People grow in spaces where they are welcomed and loved, not in spaces where they are accused or ostracized. So you need to invest time getting to know the person, their story, their motivations, even their hurts. Without this context that breeds empathy, they won’t feel safe. And you’ll make faulty assumptions.
Perhaps be vulnerable about mistakes you’ve made, the lessons they taught you, and the redemption you found through making a change. Ask permission to bring up something that may feel uncomfortable. Make sure they know the only reason you’re bringing this topic up is because you desire to be helpful to them and you see something in their life you suspect is unhelpful.
Then with words that are clear and not cloudy, kind and not callous, speak directly about what appears to be potentially harmful to their present and potentially their future.
Honor what you’ve kicked off by allowing them ample time and space to respond.
They may be hurt. They may get mad. They may storm out and cut off your friendship. That’s the risk you need to be willing to take.
But if they’re open to what you’ve said, if they seem able to consider a course-correction, ask if you can support them. This may not be desired, but be willing. If they agree, co-create a plan.
Keep whatever you discuss private. Anything else tanks trust.
It’s also quite possible that this conversation will include the expression of opinions that are contrary to yours, which you may do well to tolerate. Be open to either being wrong yourself or discerning if a healthy pluralistic society can hold these diverse beliefs, or if the ideas expressed or actions taken are truly causing harm.
Engaging Early in Constructive Conversations
Don’t wait for the fever pitch to engage. Before mistakes become public, there is often a trail of indicators visible to those with proximity to the person at fault. A consistent pattern of comments. A series of revelations that illuminate risky or unwise behavior. Outright knowledge of wrongdoings.
It’s too often not until public outcry forces a response that companies take action. Amidst an uproar, there just isn’t the luxury of time for quality, constructive conversations, and so to quell the storm, many organizations react quickly by ousting the people. This rarely solves the problems and more often compounds it.
The Sad Cycle of Leadership
In The Cave, The Road, The Table, and The Fire, Karl Martin points out this all-too-frequent cycle:
● Deify: We raise up leaders, expecting much of them, then take a ring-side seat and watch them fail to meet our unrealistic expectations and their overreaching claims.
● Demonize: We respond to failures of leadership by tearing down the very same people we wildly promoted. Eagerly citing all that is wrong in them and discrediting even that which is good. We gossip about and deride those we once followed.
● Deny: Consequently, we blame the office of leadership or at least become deeply cynical of anyone who chooses to take responsibility. We then fail to teach leadership as of primary importance, and the resultant ‘leadership phobia’ means we sabotage even our own leadership potential. Good people with great ideas and strong character then run a million miles away from formal leadership.
We’ve created a world where it’s too risky to lead. Leaders are reluctant to take bold actions or make necessary changes for fear of making a mistake that could lead to their cancellation. Further still, people avoid stepping into leadership altogether, leading to a society that is more concerned with avoiding mistakes than making meaningful progress.
We’ve created a world where leaders go from being accepted to unaccepted so swiftly and concretely that the window for growth and redemption is non-existent.
Cultivating Transformation
What if, instead, even in the workplace, we saw each other as friends we want to prosper? Even those who rub us the wrong way or who we disagree with?
What if we were brave enough to kindly speak truth to others with the type of grace that helps them see where they might be offending people or putting themselves at risk (and be humble enough to back off if their opinion is valid, even if divergent)?
What types of conversations might we be able to cultivate that could stop life-altering events from happening in the first place?
Perhaps most importantly, who might we need to become to facilitate such transformative conversations?
We get the leaders we deserve.
We need to push past our individualism to see we all play a role in cultivating environments that either help leaders grow or banish them before they have the opportunity.
Fostering the Characteristics of Great Leadership
At Arable, we believe four characteristics make this challenging work possible:
TRUE
BRAVE
KIND
CURIOUS
It is these four elements in concert that form great leaders—leaders who are consistently bettering themselves, so adept at calling themselves to a higher order that they see it as a necessary act of love to also do it for others.
It is these four elements together that engender the respect that causes people to open their ears to feedback.
It is these four elements that enable two imperfect people to sit across from one another, and have a real conversation about what might be holding them back from being the person they want to be.
What would it look like for you to bravely speak what is true in a way that is both kind and curious?
You just might change the whole trajectory of someone’s life when you do.
